


I Thot You Knew

by Corven_Dilmers, RRsummers



Category: Personal - Fandom, The Sims (Video Games)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 12:32:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11335701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corven_Dilmers/pseuds/Corven_Dilmers, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RRsummers/pseuds/RRsummers
Summary: "I Thot You Knew" is a tale chronicling the lives of Coco and Big Mama, two friends who after having escaped the police find shelter in a high rise penthouse and try to navigate the city together under their new lives. They run into trouble at every turn but manage to still realize that the true magic in life is the magic shared with friends.





	1. And God Said, Let Them Eat Cake

**Author's Note:**

> First attempt at creative writing ever. This is by no means endorsing this kind of thot like behavior. Should anyone you know start to buss it wide open, like these characters do please send them to your nearest Church to pray the slut away. Thank yew.

We never meant for it to be like this... We never knew what life had in store for us, or why my hotpockets were magma on the outside but frozen on the inside. Like what was that about, like I put it in the microwave for 12 minutes and shit still comes out playing me like I am booboo the fool.... 

Right, back to our dramatic monologue. I never knew that one weekend trip with my bestfriend Big Mama would lead to us ending up in a highrise apartment hiding from the cops with 12 kilos of cocaine hidden under the mattress. Here is our story, our troubles, and most importantly you get to hear about how rocking our freaking apartment is dude.

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The tires screeched as the car skidded around the corner, sirens were blaring down the street chasing after them. 

"Bitch you trying to get us killed? I nearly broke a fucking nail thanks to your bum ass trying to drive like it's Nascar" vented Coco

"I know god damn well those are press on nails, which are meant for feet by the way, you ain't got no reason having them big ass hands you overgrown orangutan! Plus Mama's doing the best she can to save your flat ass from jail!" Hollered Big Mama as the car veered to the left around another street corner.

As the car jolted from going up on the sidewalk the twink in the backseat was tossed in the air, scattering cocaine and dollar bills around the backseat. 

"FUCKING FUCK SHIT MOTHER FUCKER FUCKNUTS!" Coco barked from the back, having spilt his Diet Coke all on the backseat of the tattered cars leather seats

"Can you shut your twink ass up for a minute, I'm a little busy trying to get us to the safehouse you cumsock with press on nails" 

Big Mama looked in the back window to see that the faint light of police cars was fading away in the nights darkness. She pulled into the parking garage and slammed the door shut. Coco stumbled out the back of the car covered in Diet Coke and cocaine whining that his Loubitons were soiled. Big Mama and Coco hauled the bags of money to the elevator and stood in silence and the elevator ascended to their safe house.... The flickering light of the elevator gave them a moments rest to take in the events of the day. The day had started out like any other day for them. Big Mama had been making cakes in the kitchen while coincidentally shaking her cakes. Coco had woken up from another hazy night of partying in a bed with two strange men that awoke with new scars from the previous nights "entertainment" as Coco would put it. They had gone to brunch at their favorite place, they both had opted to skip eating and just get shitfaced on Mimosas, it was their regular order. Bottomless Mimosas, and most of the time they asked for them without the orange juice at all. After that it was all sort of a haze, a flurry of memories whisking through their minds. They both only really came to when they realized they were in a car gunning down the highway evading the police, they supposed that in the moment it had sobered them up. It wasn't unusual for them to go on sprees after having one or twenty six too many mimosas at brunch, in fact it was a miracle their usual spot still let them attend after what had happened to that one waiter who had dared try to cut them off of their mimosas.

Coco looked at his friend Big Mama in the dingy elevator light, took her in as they slowly ascended to their destination. She was beautiful, in the kind of way where you're like, damn shorty you mad thicc, but also in the way where you want to respect her instead of treating her like a sexual object to secure yourself in your fragile masculinity. She was shorter than Coco by a couple meters, or is it inches? I don't know I'm not a fucking mathematician either way the bitch was shorter alright?.... She had boxbraids that trailed down to her back, a black romper on that fitted her curves perfectly, and a little pink choker that read "BabyDo" the two L's at the end of Doll had fallen off. BabyDo was her street name that people would call her by, her calling card if you would.... The most noticeable thing about Big Mama was that ass, that was the kind of ass people wrote sonnets about. The kind of ass that even during the housing crash still kept it's job cause it was an ass that won't quit. The kind of ass that you gotta look back at it, the kind of ass that when she made it clap, people gave standing ovations. To put it frank she had the kind of ass that made people skeet if they so much as saw one booty cheek peeking out from behind her clothes.

Big Mama was taking in her friend at the same time, the slender figure before her that stood perfectly still waiting for the doors to open and let them out. Despite the name Coco, her friend was in fact a boy.... allegedly.... He towered over the elevator in his stilettos that he tapped as the elevator drudged upwards slowly. He was wearing a sequin cocktail dress paired with a fur coat, it was dyed emerald green. He would tell everyone it was faux fur so Peta would stop harassing him, but in reality it was real fur that a passing flame had shot and skinned for him. Upon receiving the gift in typical Coco fashion he had apathetically taken it, broken the poor man's heart and left in his private jet. Coco was the heir to a food dynasty that had spanned across many many long years. He had a sort of air to him that was mysterious, it lured people in and made them feel like they were auditioning for his amusement. However Big Mama knew better, she knew that behind all the fur, jewels, cocaine, arson charges, private jets, and attempts at fighting Oprah that he had a softer side. A side that she knew enjoyed scented candles, the occasional bubble bath, and getting rawed by Russian daddies in hotel rooms for cash money honey!

After what seemed like a million years, or long enough for the author to give ample expositional story telling and detailing of the characters. the elevator doors creaked open to their safe house loft. The doors opened to reveal a sleek pent house that was fully furnished, but seemingly un-lived in and untouched for years. Their shoes clacked on the cold stone floors as they dragged the money bags inside, Coco dropped his coat onto the countertop in the kitchen unsettling dust that had settled there. 

"Alright cool shit, so I'm gonna order room service, do you want anything? I'm thinking about ordering like 50 nuggets and maybe a busboy for desert" Coco spoke as he sauntered over to the landline, which who even has a landline anymore?

"I'm sorry are you brain dead from getting dicked down too many times? We just escaped the cops so maybe calling room service isn't the best idea right now fucktard" Big Mama glared at Coco

"Okay..... So pizza hut? Cause I mean I get the whole room service thing, but I still want food and you know I only eat like once a millennia so this is a big deal"

"Coco.... J-just.... You know what fuck it. Yeah order pizza hut, but get me some cheese in the crust!"

"You're lactose intolerant I don't feel like having Pompeii the sequel in our bathroom tonight to be honest"

"Just order the fucking pizza, I don't care about liquid magma shooting out of my ass! I WANT CHEESEY BREAD!" Big Mama boomed.

"Fine, no need to yell, was just saying..... Bitch......" Coco trailed off as he dialed the number. Big Mama looked out the dusty penthouse windows over the city, this place was going to be their new home. She tried remembering what they could have done today but she kept drawing blanks.... Nothing was making sense, so she did the only thing that did make sense to her.

She took the headphones out of her phone, and placed her phone on the dusty countertop. She scrolled through till she found a song she liked and blasted it in the quiet pent house. The place seemed to have not had life in it for years, never mind noise. As the song started to drone on, Big Mama started to shake her ass. Soon her ass was clapping to the beat of the song, the clapping echoed in the quiet penthouse. Suddenly Coco appeared around the corner and exclaimed

"Yaaaaasssssss bish, fuck it up! And god said let them eat cake! YAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS" the twink flailed ass his bestie continued to throw that ass in a circle.

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	2. BBHMCB (Bitch Better Have My Cheesy Bread)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the epic saga, buckle up bitches shits about to get W I L D

**BZZZZZZZZZT**

"Fuck did I leave my vibrator on? Where did I put it, fuck fuck fuck.... Wait no the batteries died" Big Mama said wondering what the source of the noise was. The buzzing sounded off three times after that, Big Mama kept her search up as to where that sound could be coming from. Had her vibrator come back from the dead to haunt her? Was it seeking vengeance for the endless nights having been up her snatch vibrating endlessly to satisfy Big Mama's appetite for sex? 

"Hey, so not sure if you remember but we ordered pizza literally like 20 minutes ago, so he wants to get buzzed up so I'm gonna do that.... You keep doing..... _that_." Coco said as he started to clack his way over to the elevator

"Bitch is you sears? We just escaped the cops, don't you think this could maybe be a trap?! Maybe the cops up to come arrest us for whatever the fuck it is we did. I know your white ass ain't about to get me put in jail, you'll just get probation!" Big Mama said glancing at the elevator with caution

"Look, clearly it isn't the cops, plus even if it is I'm still gonna suck their dicks cause I ain't got that cash money for the pizza.... So if you don't mind I'm going to go gargle some numbing cream so I can leave him a tip too"

Before either of them could come to an agreement the elevator door dinged open. Inside stood the pizza guy, he looked like a pizza guy. You know, a guy who delivers pizza, a man who brings prepared nourishment in the form of the popular dish known as pizza, to you. Bringer of pizzas, so like yeah, that's what he looked like k?

"Two large pizzas? One all dressed the other just cheese right?" squeaked the timid pizza boy, who looked no more than 16.

"Yeah that's us, how old are you?" Coco asked suspiciously

"I'm 15, Sir ummm Madame?... Person in sequins" he bringer of pizzas said quietly

" _Fuuuuuucccccckkkk_ that means I'll have to pay you instead of letting you jizz on me... I wish you weren't born you slimy little nobody, now I gotta get my fucking cash out great." Coco huffed and searched through his handbag, which was very expensive by the way. As he sorted through empty pill bottles fell out, used condoms, one shoe, and a can of four loko. 

"Okay well I don't got cash, so I guess you can fuck off" Coco said and turned away

"Hey you gotta pay for the pizza dude!" The pimply pizza person added

"The fuck we will, you forgot my cheesy bread motherfucker. **No one forgets my cheesy bread** " Big Mama said as she pulled a glock out from between her titties and shot the boy.

The gunshots noise rang through the apartment, the poor teenager fell to the floor dead, blood pooling around him on the cold tile floor.

"Okay.... So now we definitely need to get a maid, also get rid of body. Good thinking Big Mama, got any other brilliant plans?" Coco spoke as he kicked the dead body lightly and began to search the body for a wallet

"Let's just put him back in the elevator and send him to another floor, problem solved" Big Mama pushed the body to the elevator and pressed floor 12, and off the body went. Before sending it off she called to have a maid come in under the excuse that she had just gotten her period and totally bled on the floor everywhere and to bring maxipads.

The two sat ontop of the counter and ate the pizza silently. The only noise was the faint sounds of the city outside, and the occasional fart let out by Big Mama as her stomach protested the pizza's sinful cheesiness. Coco toyed with the glock in one hand, while he had a slice of pizza in the other, Big Mama would normally care but at the moment her booty was tooting it's own horn. Coco pretended not to notice the rumbling that made the counter vibrate a bit each time his friend let a foul sulfur smelling shart out.

"So, you just gonna shit yourself on the counter?"

"Yup, I ain't done my pizza yet, so deal with it sweety" Big Mama said letting another rancid rumbling fart escape her cheeks.

"Okay well can you at least sit in the sink, that way if you shit yourself it won't get everywhere, plus it'll echo the fart which is totally hilarious" Coco suggested having stuffed some uneaten crust in his nose to block the smell. Big Mama scooted her gorgeous ass into the sink and proceeded to continuously fart for so long that Coco had thought momentarily it was thunder outside, and not in fact the bowels of Big Mama creating it's own orchestra of offensive smells. Coco loaded up his favorite "dating" app on his phone and browsed the many contenders for the nights naughty fun he would have. Clacking his claws on the screen of the phone he searched for the perfect suitor, someone who wasn't too good looking, looked like they smelt a little, and most likely had a ferret at some point. As he searched he distantly heard Big Mama screaming in agony as her bowels released the cannon fire of turds into their toilet nearby. Blast after blast emitting screams of anger and terror as his friends bootyhole rapid fired shit into the toilet bowl. He kept scrolling ignoring the slight burning smell coming from the bathroom, he glanced over to see Big Mama wearing a pink bedazzled gas mask as she gripped the toilet seat so hard that her knuckles were white. He tilted his head to the side as his friend reached a hand out, seemingly in help, he raised his phone and snapped a pic for snapchat. He wrote "lol big mama, big poop" on it and put it on his story. Suddenly it dawned on him, what they were looking for was infront of them the entire time.

He rushed over to the bathroom and immediately backed up so that he was in the hallway, and not in the room that was so foul it would peel wallpaper off the walls. Big Mama looked at him with sweat running down her forehead and he said

"Big Mama, it's been here all along! Our snapchat stories! We _must_ have put it on our snapstory whatever we did that got the cops after us. So if we check the story we'll know what we did and can figure out what to do!" Coco exclaimed proud of his idea.

" ** _MY FUCKING ASSSHOLE IS BURNING I FEEL LIKE IM BEING RIPPED APART BY A FUCKING MACHETE IN MY ASS SWEET JESUS WHEN WILL MY SUFFERING END?!_** " Big Mama roared as her ass spewed more molten shit into the nearly overflowing toilet

"Okay so I'm gonna take that as a, _yay Coco you did so well woohoo good job buddy!_ " He said as he walked into the hallway to find some scented candles to mask the smell, or maybe a dead skunk which would smell far better than his besties butt concoction of crap in the bathroom. He tapped on his story to see what snaps they had taken that day, and as they loaded he hoped he hadn't done anything he'd regret. The screen showed pictures of them pushing old ladies to the ground, peeing on a cop car, Coco setting a birthday in a park on fire, Big Mama twerking while the children cry in the background, Coco sucking the dad off in the bushes, and after that the snaps were too blurry to see.

"Oh thank god, I was afraid I'd done something bad! The dad was uncut we're all good Big Mama!" Coco yelled around the corner to his friend, who grunted in reply. She seemed to have made it past most of the work, now only small plops of poop could be heard, and heavy breathing from the physical pain she had endured. 

"Hey is your phone working, can I check your snaps?" He asked hiding around the corner plugging his nose.

"I-I think I... I think I dropped my ph-phone in the t-t-toilet" Big Mama huffed and panted out having pushed the gasmask ontop of her head revealing her face drenched in sweat and full of tension still. 

"Cool beans... So you gonna grab it from the bowl or naw?" Coco questioned. Big Mama looked at him with a look that said, are you kidding me bitch. He sighed and slid down the wall he was leaning on to sit on the floor next to her, he wondered what could they do, was there any point to trying to figure out what happened? Does anyone even care, cause he didn't really. So he cleaned his friend up, brought her to her room to sleep, laying her down gently and tucking her in. In her room she had a mobile above the bed and a giant teddy bear, he raised an eyebrow but his friend was fast asleep.

"This is a _little_ weird." He muttered to himself, he went beside her bed and stared down at his friend as he let out a nasty fart and cupped it towards her face.

"Revenge cunt, sleep tight like this ass" he whispered and snuck out of the room. As he got ready for bed and crawled in between his own covers he wondered what Nicki Minaj was up to right now. He hoped Remy wasn't giving her too much trouble, and as he drifted off to bed he said

"This is how a bad bitch goes to bed, some of y'all can't even.... Can't even spell bed..." he trailed off and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ventures continue, this chapter was meant to focus more on the story. A more serious side to the story before we get into the silly stuff, I wanted to do something gritty and, pardon the pun, shitty.


End file.
